Tuesday, September 30, 2014

The moment of truth – Photography studies!?

Hello!

Today I got a letter in the mail. I hadn't quite seen it coming because I was assuming we'd get informed by email. Nonetheless it was something I had been eagerly awaiting.. and fearing.
   I don't remember if I've mentioned it here before or not.. but in any case I applied for this one approximately 1,5 year long course at Lappia ammattiopisto and more exactly the VAT studies Valokuvaajan Ammattitutkinto. Basically this kind of photography profession studies that are meant for people who already have previous schooling, experience and probably even a photography related working life. Sorry I suck at explaining this kind of stuff in English, I don't have the vocabulary. ;_; But it was mentioned in the search information that even hobbyists could get in if you were good enough.
So yeah, I had decided to try my luck and apply for this thing, because it's one of the few study options here that I have a genuine interest in and would want to work with in the future. I had to do some advance photo tasks and send them in for judging. All my relatives who knew about it were encouraging me to try getting in and being hopeful about me making it noo, no pressure at all.. Honestly I had a scratching in my butt that it's too big of a leap and that I wouldn't make it because I have litte to no previous photography studies under my belt but I kept hoping for the best. To be the lucky one. I'm never lucky.

So yeah, today the final decision letter dropped in my mailbox. I was shit nervous when I had to open it.. had problems focusing on reading, I swear!

THE MOMENT OF TRUTH IS NEAR...
...
...
Guess what? 
...
I didn't get in, of course.
Just as I had thought. ;_; Not good enough! 8C 

It still feels a bit bad because I really wanted to get in; maybe I could have gotten somewhere with the knowledge I would have gained, maybe even could have got work and a sure profession. I could have gotten somewhere in life...
I feel a bit like I'm now letting my mom and especially my photography aunt down. I actually haven't even told mom yet.. I'm a bit scared to tell. :S They were so excited when I actually showed interest in something after all these depression and school fuck-ups...
Oh well, I kind of saw it coming so it doesn't feel like I just got a frying pan in my face either. I'm just not the lucky type... but at least I tried. Oh well, time to sink back into reality and my crappy hole of a situation at least now I have less stress and pressure to perform well; more time to work out other things before I get a grip of what I want to do with my future. I'm so lost right now maybe it's even for the better that I didn't get chosen; I'm not sure I would have had the focus and energy to go through it at this point in life.. and I have social issues and anxiety going on currently anyway..
Gah. I don't know. OTL *shot*

Shiro Samurai hides away for now.

2 comments:

  1. Harmi ettet päässy sisään >: mut ei kannata lannistua! Mulla on kavereita jotka on monta vuotta yrittäny päästä kouluu ennen ku on tullu hyväksyvä vastaus. Määkää en eka päässy kokkilinjalle, kunnes kesän lopussa kutsuttii varasijalta, ja leipurilinjalleki hain kahesti.
    Jos se oikeesti kiinnostaa ni seuraavalla kerralla uutta hakemusta kehiin, ja sitä ennen treenaa treenaa treenaa! Tässä on koko elämä aikaa opiskella ja oppia.

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  2. Oh so sad you did not get in, but if that what you want to do try next time or find a course if you can. I think being a photographer is hard work not something I would what to work with. Have you ever seen if they are any long distance course for you to take?
    You will find you way in life as it come to what you want to do and work with.
    It took me a long time to get were I am today and still it is darn confusion still for me XD Dont think i want to stay there forever but who knows it is fun but time consuming work I have. =)

    But you can do, I still love yours Photos so don´t ever give it up. <3

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